It's all over. It's been 10 days now. You've left us to an unknown destination. You didn't give us a chance to take it in slowly and come to terms with it. It's a shock that has changed our lives forever.
I've lost my prime confidant, my pillar of support, my partner in crime. I don't know who to dial now when I have something important to discuss. I don't know who'll I dial first when I'm excited about an achievement. I can't even imagine a life without you. Everything I do now seems so pointless because I don't have YOU to share it with.
I can't even articulate to people what we shared. How we thought we're telepathic, how we discussed important matters about life before we spoke to Mom Dad about them, how I'd fight with you, not talk to you for days together, yet call you first if I had anything important to share about me. Do you remember all that, Bhaiya? And it pains me when people think I am somehow in a position to move on easily since I'm married. NO. It's even tougher.
I look around the house and every wall, every chair, every inch shows and reminds me of some moment that I shared with you. It's easy to say move on, but not so easy when you really have to. It's not easy to lose a 26-year old sibling with who I've literally shared every moment of life. It's not so easy when he is a charmer who stood by his loved ones at all times and made their life seem so much easier when he's around.
I've always looked up to you to show me the way when I'm stuck with a problem in life. I trusted your judgment when I couldn't figure out the nature of some people. Despite being younger, you've been my guide in many instances and showed me the way. Even when you went away, you gave me hundreds of brothers and sisters who tell me they're there for us. You've showed us who our true well-wishers are, and who're mere fair-weather friends and relatives.
I may not get back to my original self, and be as cheerful and happy as I was. It might take some time to take it in my stride and get back, but I will try my best. You've lived life king size. Always. I will try to match up as much as I can. I'll try my best to be there for family and friends like you did. I'll try to take things with a smile on my face always, I'll try to live life to the fullest because I know that's what you lived by! I'll try.
21 comments:
We ourselves are still unable to sink in to the fact that he is no more & thinking about you all, aunty leaves me stationed.
Every post I read/see about movies/Katrina reminds us of him (Before planning for a movie, we are so used to reading his reviews/comments) -- Every IDEA ad remind us of him -- Everytime I open twitter/facebook, reminds me of our petty conversations/arguments ....
Sangeetha.. your authenticity is touching. May you be able to connect with your brother even in his absence. Hope you can appreciate life and its turn of events for whatever its worth.
God Bless! Take Care!
@Divya I know. None of us can ever look at our Twitter/FB feeds without thinking about him. Nobody can ever replace him in my life.
@Sashank Thanks for the encouraging words. Not sure what to look forward to in life, but I now know I have to take it in as it comes.
Though there's nothing I can say that will make you feel better, let me try.
I didnt know ur bro, but ur post made me wish I did. Am sure he's gone to a better place. And just like ur proud of him today, u shud live ur life so that when u meet him next, he will be just as proud of u.
I have no words for you.. I can only say even inspite of never having met him I developed a sort of bond with him and I am myself feeling shocked and not able to believe that he is no more.....
@Practical Preacher Will try my best to live by his ideas and beliefs. He made us proud and loved to take pride in our success and happiness. Will try continuing it and make him happy.
@Anurag We're all still in denial. Will take time to take it in and move on.
ZEE..........Katrina.. Idea...FB....movie reviews.. your shaadi..and you... all remind me of him..though its tough to find a friend in a sibling .. you found it and that definitely has played a part in making you what you are...you would be doing injustice to him if you change..It is a tough ask..I can't even think about how difficult this time must be for you..my prayers are with you and I hope you all get the strength to get through this..
Geetu,
It still seems unreal, I still log in to FB when I hear abt Sachin Katrnina, hoping he pops up from somewhere saying Katrina is the best
No words can take your pain but the though that brings us a little solace is Naresh lived his life to the fullest.
No matter who we are or where we are or the bond we share with our sibling can never be
replaced or forgotten, It only grows stronger every day
He may not be with you but he will be in every action of yours and will remain forever in our thoughts.
Don't have words to comfort you. Take care ra
Hmm...hardly i can say anything here. Take care.
@Sush You're right. He had a major part in making me what I am. I want to be myself too to keep him happy but just not able to get myself to do that yet. Will be happy if I can manage that in future.
sangeetha .. absolutely shocked to hear abt the incident and i can imagine ur plight and the sitution of ur family .. no words can console u but all that i can say is we r always with u in all ur good n bad times .. its time u stand strong for ur family and support them.. will talk to u soon .. take care
Thanks for the assurance, Kalyan.
Yes, you only fail if you fail to try! That's the promise of love you'll live by, as Steven Curtis Lance said in one of his poems. Cheers :)
I know not what to do. I remember it all and a chill runs down my spine. Everytime I drive, thoughts go blank thinking about that day - I still can't believe it and I know i won't ever get over it. Maybe he didn't realize it but he was my best friend and without him, I feel aimless - definitely smileless. No more fights on SMS, no more cursing him on his ringtone, no more fun about Idea and how he kept changing ringtones just to add a fee every month to the bill inturn showing revenues for Idea - so much more including those cryptic conversations which no one on this face of earth can understand except him - just cannot replace all this na? I wish he had realized all this and was here :(
Your pain can only be much more and you're not even expected to cry and show it - can't say anything else to except giving you the assurance that you'll find me closeby when you reach out and extend a hand.
@Sivakumar Thanks for the encouraging words.
@Prasoon, Got just one thing to say - thanks for everything! You will be counted in whenever I'm in need of support.
Sangeetha, I have seen you on two occasions. First time, at your marriage, where I had a great time with the entire DAIICT fraternity led by Naresh. Second time, on the fateful day when I had to see him lying quietly. Never knew I had to see this day :'( but what makes me proud is that he lived his life to the fullest. His passion in life and his easy-going charming personality is something I will always look forward to. None of our parties in Hyderabad were complete without him, none anywhere will be ever complete without remembering him and cracking some of his jokes. I will always remember him with a smile because that's the only way I can do justice and pay my tribute to him. Quoting what he wrote on his blog on June 10,2005:
"The only way to heaven is living life to the fullest, not longest!". That's vintage Naresh for you. That's why he reigns in our hearts..That's why he is the King who will rule forever.
Yes, Amod! The King will rule in our hearts forever. His passion is unmatchable, none of us can live it up to that level. Proud of having a brother like him, can never think he's not with us any more. He'll still be the guiding force in my family.
Wish that fateful Sunday had never come. The events of that day, I will never forget.
Top Phodu. Thats what we used to call him.
I have never met you. But I must tell you, your brother was a great guy. And wherever he is right now, he is at peace. And will be by your side, in spirit, ensuring that life never gets tough for you.
Take care.
@Vivek I wish time went back to that Sunday so we could stop him from going there, or that I woke up from a looooong, bad nightmare. Not to happen - helpless and frustrated :-(
Its a very heartwarming blog..I am really sad for your loss....reading it makes me realise, what a person he would have been...though no words of mine can lessen the pain for you...but I hope god gives you and your family courage to go through this...you are in my prayers...
Yes, Vaishali. My brother's a very warm and friendly guy. He's so full of life and at his cheerful best all the time. He can't be replaced in any of family/friends' lives. Thank you for the prayers.
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