The Palace of Illusions

Epics have always fascinated me. I love them for their long-winding plots, interesting twists at opportune moments and multiple shades of characters. It gets even more interesting with narratives of different authors with their point of view. I can never get enough of them, and Chitra Banerjee Divakaruni's 'The Palace of Illusions' is my latest read on The Mahabharata.

Of all the epics, Mahabharata remains my favourite for which I'd give partial credit to BR Chopra's version that aired on TV in the 80s/90s. It only went uphill after that with me reading different versions and interpretations of the epics. The aspect of Mahabharata that I liked the most is its well fleshed out characters. The way everyone from Krishna to Karna, Kunti to Uttara exhibit different shades in different situations. I always felt Mahabharata would be very interesting to read from different characters' points of view. Krishna might have his own version of it, in his support of Pandavas, while Karna might look at it as a conspiracy against his dear friend Duryodhan masterminded by Krishna. Also, Mahabharata is not plain black and white like Ramayana in which good and evil are clearly demarcated and the reader gets polarized quickly in every episode.

All this made Palace of Illusions an interesting read for me as it is narrated from Draupadi's point of view. Draupadi is one of the strongest (or maybe the strongest?) characters of Mahabharata, also exploited to a great extent with some decisions taken without her consent and which went against the rules of the day. She was distributed by her mother-in-law to her 5 husbands, who ultimately lose her in a game of dice to their enemy!

What would've Draupadi felt when she was distributed among 5 people like a sweet/fruit? What would she have felt at her swayamvar where the decision was meant to be taken by her but eventually influenced by everyone else but her? What went through her mind when she was subjected to the ultimate insult in the court of her family's enemies?

All these questions find an interpretation in Palace of Illusions. Chitra illustrates Draupadi's point of view quite well right from her birth - her struggle to come to terms with the prophesy about her destiny, her righteous indignation against the discrimation she faces due to her status of a 'princess', her travails in the forest with her husbands in exile, her devotion towards her husbands against all odds - everything is etched out in detail and it's a pleasure to read it in Draupadi's own words.

IMO, the best part is the narrative of Draupadi's unprofessed love towards Karna. I've read about it in a couple of other versions and some articles and it seems quite logical and sensible for her to have been married to Karna. But strange are the ways of destiny, and she ends up being his rival who he detests much. How would the whole epic sound if Draupadi were to marry Karna, or if Karna were to know his birth secret much in advance of the war? Do karma and dharma influence one to the extent of being the cause for the greatest war ever? Palace of Illusions brings up a lot of these questions to the fore and has some narratives that could scandalize some conservative readers who hold our epics in high stead and consider them directives for human lives.

Overall, a great read and unputdownable!

Dad

Whenever there is a discussion about role model or inspiration, I don't look beyond my home. I have a role model to emulate in my Dad. He has been everything that I ever wanted to be, and has been showing me the path to follow since I don't know when.

The quality I like the most about Dad is he has stood by his principles at all times, in all adversities, and taught us the same. We've never compromised with what we want to do with our lives and this couldn't have been possible without his support. Be it my first travel abroad, choice of time to get married or my plans for post graduation, he understood my aspirations and supported them despite concerns raised by so-called 'well-wishers'. I've never been afraid to speak my mind out and follow my heart, mainly because of his confidence in me and my inherent trust that he'd support me if I'm doing something right. And I've never been disappointed. Dads are always special for girls, more so for me.

I haven't slept in my Mom's lap as often as Dad's as a kid. I've attended family functions, been to relatives' places more often with Dad than with Mom. If I had something to ask for during my adolescent years, I'd approach Dad - mainly because of the inherent trust that he wouldn't say 'No' if it's a valid request.

I take extreme pride in the fact that well-learned people from the companies that my Dad does business with sing praises of his professionalism and business acumen. His professional friends tell us that we're blessed for having a father like him, and we of course nod in agreement.

Even in the tough time that we're going through right now, he is an example to follow. I still can't forget the image of him feeling helpless and collapsing on the floor when we received that dreaded phone call, crying into the phone to the police inspector to help save my brother. We faced the worst and unimaginable tragedy of our lives. Yet, Dad conceals his concerns and insecurities to listen to and understand Mom's, sister's and my pain and sorrow. All of us have lost our cool at some time due to the pain and frustrations that are building up inside us, but there he is, still a pillar of strength, bundle of affection and a source of inspiration. 

There can be no one like him as far as I'm concerned, and would be glad if I become even a fraction of what he is as a person. I know he will sail past this, and get us there too.

Blessed for being your daughter - Happy Birthday, Dad!

Storytelling

I've never done it before, but since it sounded like fun and it was on the occasion of International Girl Child Day, I took it up. Pratham Books sent me these lovely stories and a beautiful flexi banner to put up for the kids, which made it all the more interesting. And I had my husband, sister and my friend Indumouly to help me put up the banner and engage the kids.

I am associated with an orphanage close to my place, which is run by a guy who quit a plum job with one of the star hotels in Hyderabad because he felt he should do something for the needy. It has about 30+ kids in the age groups of 1-13. All are sent to municipal schools nearby, and some who get funding through considerate donors are sent to a local private school. I've been visiting the kids for 5 months now, and all of them are quite active and well-read.

When I walked in and told them I'm here to tell you some stories, they were quite excited. I showed them the books with colourful pictures and told them they could keep it and they were all the more eager. I showed them the stories and asked them which would they like to hear from me. Most of them liked the story of the newborn elephant Ambili, and the guy who had the annual haircut day. Only a few asked me to tell the stories in English, and the rest wanted in Telugu. So, I narrated Ambili's story in Telugu, and then read out and showed the illustrations of The Annual Haircut Day story. They all laughed out loud after listening to the annual haircut day story. And they were quite fascinated with Ambili's story, because they could relate to Ambili's curiosity and wish to learn things. When I said 'Ambili was quite scared as a 4-day old because she didn't know anything. She's too small to know anything, right?', they all nodded and said 'Yes, she's too small.'

The kids wanted more after the 2 stories, so I read out the TING-TONG book, which was about various sounds made by different things like temple bell, calling bell etc. I also felt some of the kids might be interested in reading out a story, so picked the Telugu story of the bird who learnt to fly and called 2 kids to read out. I was quite surprised by their flawless reading with proper intonations. Kids never fail to amuse us, do they?!

And the best part was reserved for the end. I asked Vaishnavi, who is in 6th class to come and narrate a story. She narrated the story of 4 friends and a lion. All of them listened to it intently and when I asked what did they learn from it, some of them shouted back - 'You should always listen to your friends' :-)

Good fun session with a bunch of energetic and enthusiastic kids. Love Pratham Books for the kind of work they're doing, which is what I'm passionate about too. Look forward to more such sessions in future!

Nothing is the same

I was excited about a recent achievement and quickly started typing an e-mail and an SMS, only to find one address and phone number short. Sis does something smart, and I look for company to make fun of her and deflate her, but I don't find you around. I do something super-silly and don't know how to get out of it gracefully, I look around for you to laugh at me non-stop so I'll feel better, but I hear nothing.

There are umpteen stupid movies releasing, but I don't have you to discuss them with and make fun of you when you watch them. I rarely login to Facebook as I don't see your friends pulling your leg for me to pitch in and make it worse for you.

I don't get those silly messages and phone calls asking me to check your callback tune and report to you because someone is playing a prank on you. I don't get those calls late in the evening asking me to inform Mom about you not coming home. I don't get to have those long, meaningless conversations about what your cook made for breakfast and how you shopped for kitchen supplies.

I don't have someone to spoil my Sunday siesta by yelling in my ear. I don't have someone to fight for space on the divan. I don't have the same enthusiasm in exaggerating what I do at work and showing off any more.

It's been 4 months now, we've changed, our lives have changed. But our thoughts didn't, our love for you didn't. Rest in peace, and continue to be around.

Brothers

It has been a tough week for me. Everytime I saw rakhi stalls and promotional e-mails about rakhis, I couldn't control my sorrow and tears. I couldn't send the rakhis to my brothers who I send every year, wherever they are. I didn't have the heart to even buy some for cousins who I visit every year. I wasn't prepared to step out of home to visit any cousins.

It's not easy to not have my brother around, who'd make this day special. But it is in times like these when you realize how blessed or cursed you are. My uncle brought my 4 year old cousin all the way from my hometown to get us to tie rakhi to him. The cousin who stays close by came home too. There was no way I'd feel sad for not being able to tie a rakhi to a brother.

And just as I was feeling happy for having the kind of family we have, there lay a surprise ahead. I take pride in making the right kind of friends, and was proven right once again. Just as I was about to see off my cousins, stepped in 5 friends who cheered me up, brought rakhis, gifts and spent loads of time with me. Even before they left came my brother's friends. Then another family friend. One of the brothers who I send rakhi every year has e-mailed me telling me he remembers me this day.

As I was lying low and trying to tell myself to deal with it and not feel bad, I had all these people stepping in, reassuring me that they're there for me, taking time to make me feel good, talk and laugh. There was no way I was gonna sit and brood over my loss. It's times like these that you feel glad for having the right people around.

I miss my brother a lot, and nothing can replace him for me today. But I had 11 brothers visiting to cheer up me and my sister. I'm glad. And happy. Thanks to all those who made the effort today. It's people like you that makes me value the life I have.

Cheers to the gang!

We were a gang of 6. Didn't think I'd bond so much with my work buddies. But this group was different. Not easy to find 5 other super cheerful faces and buddies with who you can hangout anywhere, anytime. We initially thought we're the unfortunate lot who had to work on Saturdays too, but we soon made those Saturdays a lot more fun. Every Saturday would translate to half day work + lazy lunch/movie, with us ending up reaching home at 6-7 PM. And slowly, as with any work group, our group split - with some of us moving to other projects and some to other cities. Yet, we stayed in touch. And continued to meet as often as possible with whoever remained in town.

And now we're three of us in Hyderabad. Me, S & G. When we all met, we were pretty new to corporate world, shared the same excitement, apprehensions and insecurities. We "grew up" and are more mature and in control of situations now (or I'd like to think so). And it's only S, G and me meeting now. The topics we discuss are different, but the camaraderie remains the same and our friendship has evolved a lot from where we started.

When I got married, one of the things I told my husband was that no matter how he gets along with other friends of mine, I'd like him to get along with S & G, for they're an integral part of my life, and we'll be hanging out with them more often than with any others. Not that any of the 3 are difficult to get along with, but well, you never know, and I didn't want to take a chance. Not surprisingly, husband gets along excellently with them and we continue to have as much fun as before.

We've always been there to share each other's happenings in life, happiness, problems, insecurities - everything. We count on each other at all times, yet never really told each other we could be counted upon. Actually, none of us are the kind who'd overtly tell that we need something but the rest of us easily understand what's needed at the moment. We've had our share of fights and misunderstandings, I specifically remember one fight I had with G, threw a tantrum and refused to make up. Nobody can be angry with G for the way he keeps us in splits, least of all me.

When my family faced the worst shock of our lives recently, they were the ones I counted on to help me cope with it, and get me out of it. I stepped out of my home/office for the first time to meet them. I laughed heartily for the first time when I was with them. I'll always remember - G, who rarely even shakes people's hands to wish them, came up to me and put his arm across my shoulder - and at that moment, that was all that I needed. A reassurance from someone who really cared for me to tell me I'll be able to get out of it. When I saw them standing behind, watching us as we went ahead with the proceedings, and assuring me I have them for support - meant the world to me at that moment!

We're not the kind who butt-slap each other or hang out late nights in pubs. In fact, S summed it up well last week - when we planned to meet and I asked him where should we meet, he texted me 'Basically any place where we can sit, talk for hours and laugh out loud'. That's all we look forward to when we meet. Venue, occasion, others around us don't matter.

I know there are many more happy and sad moments ahead. I know we'll continue to be part of each other's lives. I know this friendship will last forever. Thank God for friends like these!

P.S. Not really a friendship day post, but when I saw so many quotes, anecdotes and wishes about friendship yesterday, I kept thinking who really mattered to me, and couldn't help thinking about how our friendship started, grew and where we are today.

Silence

What do we crave for when we're in a choc-a-block traffic jam? In a market? In a railway station/airport? Silence.

All you need sometimes is silence. Silence to think, to gather our thoughts, remember, introspect, and finally make peace with a situation. In my view, the strongest are those who can take things calmly - happy or sad. It takes a lot from someone to not jump in joy and shout out to the whole world that they've achieved something, or to cry their hearts out when they're deeply disturbed about something.

It's not even about feeling happy or sad. Sometimes, you just want to not speak or listen to anything. Just want to let those thoughts run in your mind and vanish after it ends. When we go through those moments, it doesn't matter how many people surround us, all that matters is the freedom to remain silent.

But then, silence is not interpreted the same by everyone. If you say you choose to be silent, you face mockery. Or dissent. Or both. Usually, you're termed weird, asocial, or insensitive. But rarely do you find people who can understand the silence and let you be. Isn't silence better than 10 or a million words which may hurt or may not make sense at all?